Kurama's Lament
by Venka le fay
Summary: A poem about Kurama's feelings about his mother, friends, and not so secret crush. K/B


Kurama's Lament  
I don't own any thing from YYH so don't bother.  
Kurama's lament Kaa-san,  
do you know who I am?  
Who I was?  
If I told you, would you feel betrayed?  
Would you shun me, if I told you the truth about your beloved son?  
Or would you welcome me, as I have never been welcomed before?  
Kaa-san I don't want to break your heart.  
Yet I feel like a dagger is being twisted in mine.  
At least whenever I am forced to lie to you, when I am doing jobs as a  
Reikai Tantei.  
I assure you, I am paying the price for my misdeeds.  
The punishment I got, it far more then I disserve.  
For the wrongs I've done the Netherworld is only fair.  
Kaa-san do you know, I tried to save you by throwing away my life.  
The life your had carried in your womb for, Inari knows how many months.  
The life you cultivated, shaped, and changed with your love.  
Tears spring to my eyes every time I think of all that you have done.  
I'm tired of living a lie, yet I am afraid of telling you the truth.  
In years long past I would run from my problems.  
That's what I almost did again.  
If Yusuke, hadn't thrown himself into harms way; to stop me from making  
such a drastic mistake.  
I don't know where I would be now.  
Maybe rotting in a cell in the Reikai or worse.  
No apology could be enough; just as no 'thank you' said could ever be  
enough to express the gratitude I feel.  
Thank you for being my mother, one I never knew.  
Thank you for looking after me, when I had only looked, out for my self.  
Thank you for being there, when others never had been.  
My friends! You have been very patent with me.  
My whole existence has been one long bitter quest filled with bloodshed and  
death.  
A great deal is too hard for me to speak of.  
Forgive me if I seem distant.  
Fear of hatred, not really.  
Shame, maybe.  
Fear of reliving my dark past, most likely.  
Many of those I trusted have been killed or betrayed me in the end.  
I promise how ever that I will tell you, someday.  
At least when, I know I'm ready.  
Until then I will remain, a walking enigma.  
Like Genkai would say I wear thorns on my soul.  
It not that I don't trust you, in fact I trust all of you with my life.  
It's just that; the years I have lived have been long and painful.  
Being alone is hard for one person.  
And a thousand years of solitude is damn near impossible.  
I know I've lived such.  
Because I've lasted that long, doesn't mean I survived.  
In my heart I am dead.  
The fact I have friends now is an unknown acknowledgment.  
It's hard for me to feel the acceptance you give me.  
What will you do when I finally do tell you of my dark past?  
Will you reject me like many others?  
Or will I just become closer with you, it's heard for me see that far.  
Botan your angelic face fills my mind day and night.  
That day when I pointed out a species of rose to you, and told you it  
matched your eyes.  
I remembered your smile, when I said the name was appropriate.  
I wasn't kidding when I said that.  
The rose species known as Angel face is quite appropriate for you.  
Your heart isn't as dark and twisted like mine is.  
Though your smile is only a mask you wear for your life as a messenger of  
death.  
I don't recall how I fell in love with you.  
I might have been your smile.  
Or despite knowing who I really am you still treat me like am your best  
friend.  
It could be the fact, I don't treat you like a child like; Yusuke and  
Kuwabara do.  
I know you're a lot stronger then even you realize.  
But unlike me, life emanates from every corner of your being.  
You're like the sun on the first day of spring that thaws out the cold  
winters of my existence.  
Allowing fresh green to sprout once more.  
It's when you are there that I truly begin to come back to life.  
If I told you I loved you, would you laugh at me and say that I was just  
being funny?  
Would you get angry and reject me?  
Or even possibly just say, you rather just be friends?  
Do you even feel the same?  
If you and Koenma, are destined for each other; then I would have to say he  
is lucky.  
After all it is the star-crossed pairings that are truly the most tragic.  
An ill-fated love that has no favor with the stars.  
Only just the makings of a good romance novel and not a real love story.  
It's not your reaction I fear. But the chance that you will get hurt is my  
darkest dread.  
Not entirely by those that would love to see me suffer.  
I fear that I may hurt you myself.  
I'm content in loving you from a far; at least I know that you're safe.  
Hiei, has often asked me why I never tell you.  
I answer back that it's the same reasons; he doesn't tell Yukina who he is.  
You might want to talk to, Shizeru.  
She has caught on to my feelings for you.  
But then again she says, I have been anything but subtle.  
There is no telling about Keiko, though she smiles at me with that friendly  
out going attitude of hers, so she might be aware of my feelings.  
You deserve someone better then me, someone that at least will be more  
worthy of your heart.  
But you are forever the one I will love for all eternity and no other will  
have your place. 


End file.
